After we were done with Language Arts of 15 minutes I wrote a few things down and then started researching how to teach phonograms. This is a splurge of what I wrote:
Overwhelmed, don't know how,
What to do if they don't cooperate?
I get frustrated EASY when they wont do what I say
How do I add Rysa into the mix when
she doesn't understand what I am teaching Cayten?
I know I have a lot to learn, and today is only one day, the first day, and I am not even through. At 11:00 we are going to do reading. I am going to read probably 5 or 6 books TO them. I will ask Cayten to sound out small short words or ask him what certain words are if I know that he KNOWS them. I need to institute some sort of snack time because not only is Rysa hungry, but I am hungry before lunch and her and I are both focused on if we can eat yet.
Today after reading and lunch, we will have art time. I like art time and both kids got playdough for Christmas so we will make creations, maybe some letters and numbers, who knows. I think my idea for structure might fly out the window, but I have to have some sort of structure that is just who I am. I am not "enjoying" the teaching and fun time with my children, so far I am dreading it, worried if they are "getting it" or not. I hate the feeling of being flustered and not knowing what to do. Next week my kids will be gone and I have a feeling I will be doing a LOT of research on how to teach, what to teach, why, and many more questions that are running through my head.
I came upon this article and I agree with it to a point, but can't there be an in between because I feel I am the in between, I want structure and I want free learning.